Uniting Singaporeans of All Nationalities

A letter from the good old Mr. Lee See Nao

Dear Molly,

Thank you for being my unofficial ST Forum. Today, I write to you regarding a pressing national issue that needs to be addressed: the need to unite everyone, regardless of race, language, religion and, most importantly, original nationality.

In Singapore, we should all learn to put aside our differences and throw them into the trash can. Call it assimilation at the expense of the loss of identity by some groups or call it integration as though fragments from different jigsaw puzzles can be used to form a flawless picture. The key is to standardize and minimize differences.

The best place to start is food since we are what we eat; if we eat the same thing, we become the same people and thus we will be united. We need to first get rid of foods with fragrances that prove to be overwhelming for some people in our community. As a community that is renowned for its moderation and balance, we should not allow foods such as satay, and sauces like sambal and belacan to ruin our unity. One particular food that should be banned in Singapore is Otak. I stay in the second level of a block of HDB flats and the coffee shop downstairs has an Otak stall. The smell of the Otak is so overwhelming that I feel like rioting. In case you do not know, Otak refers to brains. A civilized society like Singapore should not eat brains especially since they are so rare in Singapore. I have lodged a complaint to the relevant authorities and I trust them to resolve the issue amicably in my favor.

One perennial source of unhappiness amongst Singaporeans, again related to smells, is transport, so we need to do something about transportation. Many people are complaining about frequent public transport fare hikes. Just as many gripe about COEs and car prices. Actually, I do not see why there is a problem. Can’t you stop taking buses? Can’t you avoid taking the train? Can’t you quit thinking of owning a car? I am actually quite irritated by the smell of fumes from motor vehicles and have written to the LTA to outlaw motor vehicles. The solution is simple. Bicycles.

People on bicycles look so happy and united.

Another area where changes are needed is education. We should abolish bilingualism. The government should have realized this long ago. Singaporeans will never be able to master English. Instead of spending our limited resources on the Speak Good English Movement year after year, hoping to eradicate Singlish, we should just remove English from the curriculum altogether. Mandarin is sufficient for national unity. I have written to the Ministry of Education about the matter and am awaiting a favorable reply.

I also believe that Singapore can fare better in the area of religion. We should not have a secular state. It’s meaningless. We should have an atheist state, and all government officials should disavow their religions. In particular, Singapore should ban the Falun Gong and prosecute all its members. Not everyone is used to having Falun Gong practitioners in their midst. As for major religions like Buddhism, Christianity, Islam and Taoism, they may be allowed but have to be kept under close watch by the ISD. Every sermon that is delivered must be either issued by the government or it must be approved by the Ministry of Home Affairs. This will prevent unnecessary conflicts from being exploited to create disunity amongst Singaporeans of all nationalities.

To further cultivate a sense of belonging, Singapore should make military service compulsory for all citizens instead of conscripting only men. And there should be no need to enforce conscription by putting citizens in the Detention Barracks. We need a program that can cultivate such immense love for the country that all men and women would be fighting for a chance to serve in the military, like the way they fight for a place in Primary School.

In order to enhance cohesion, we should also change the way media is regulated. Many who are not used to Singapore may find it ridiculous that every few years, we come up with a new film rating. It used to be only PG and R(A). Then came NC-16. Then M18 and R(21). Now there’s PG-13. What next? NE-70 to bar elderly people above seventy from certain movies for the benefit of their cardiovascular health? We should make it simple. Either a film is healthy and suitable for everyone or it’s not. So either a film is allowed to be screened or it’s banned.  As for the Internet, what’s the point of blocking only 100 websites? Block all undesirable content with The Great Singapore Firewall instead of having The Great Singapore Sale and similar capitalistic nonsense. Have Singapore’s own version of sites like Twitter, Youtube and Google—in Chinese (since, if you remember, we should not have a bilingual policy anymore). The Singapore government is showing how weak it is by being ridiculously tolerant of anti-establishment comments when elsewhere in the world, such comments could be eradicated instantaneously and the people posting them terminated.

And finally, to ensure that there’s unity amongst everyone, politics must change. Since it is a fact that the PAP knows best and anyone who is not with the PAP, whether it is an opposition party or a Presidential candidate not endorsed by the PAP, is out to create disunity amongst Singaporeans. Our leaders know this and they should thus take appropriate action. This is especially since not everyone is used to elections and other democratic processes. Why should there be a question as to whether the PAP can be in power forever? Let the PAP run everything and the country will continue to grow. People will continue to be united and happy and we need not waste one Saturday voting for a President who technically has no power but the power to be pro-PAP.

An eminently suitable first lady

And Molly:

Your avatar should be changed to enhance social cohesion. Let me suggest this:

The New MM

Kuan Yew save the President!

Lee See Nao (Mr.)

 *****

See Nao, can we cook curry or not? . . . No, I’m not going to change my avatar. The only blogging award that I may win is the Political Blogger with the Cutest Avatar Award.

Advertisements

3 Responses

  1. /// One particular food that should be banned in Singapore is Otak. I stay in the second level of a block of HDB flats and the coffee shop downstairs has an Otak stall. The smell of the Otak is so overwhelming that I feel like rioting. In case you do not know, Otak refers to brains. A civilized society like Singapore should not eat brains especially since they are so rare in Singapore. ///

    Over my dead body. I love brains – especially pig-brain double-boiled with herbs.

    Brains don’t have overwhelming smell – especially if you wash them thoroughly. I guess most Singaporeans are not that brain-washed yet, unlike our eponymous See Nao (洗脑).

    😉

  2. Brilliant. And man, that last picture cracked me up.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: