Kuan Yew Tells Honest Truths About Singapore

Singaporeans should be heartened that Dear Kuan Yew has returned from his political mausoleum to share with us more hard truths about Singapore. Needless to say, Kuan Yew believes in “competitive” salaries for ministers and employs his eight-decade old strategy of exaggerated misinterpretation to deal with his detractors. (I presume it is eight-decade old since the strategy must have come from someone with the mind of a child.) Where Kuan Yew is concerned, requesting for a cup of tea to quench your thirst is no different from demanding from him a tea plantation to satisfy your avarice. If you tell him that ministers should not be paid ridiculously high salaries, you can expect him to retort that we must not pay ministers ludicrously low salaries. The sense of anticipation, then, comes from what new ingenious comments he has to make.

Kuan Yew certainly does not disappoint. Even as he resorts to the exaggerated-misinterpretation strategy (perhaps it is a matter of bad karma that the PAP guys are so often misinterpreted these days), he does so with such breathtaking dexterity that your eyes will forget to close till the hard truths have sunk into your resistant minds. No doubt, he still alludes to his favorite third-world-to-first grand narrative, but he has new truths to share as always. From Kuan Yew, we learn the shocking truth that most people (possibly more than 99%) in Singapore have children whose futures are doomed. I must admit that my contempt for him beat an indignant retreat in the face of his well-armed honesty, which has come out in full force.

Kuan Yew explains with what I can only imagine to be a straight face that Singapore’s progress did not come about by “head-hunting ministers willing to sacrifice their children’s future when undertaking a public service duty.” In Kuan Yew’s world, if someone becomes a minister with a salary that is uncompetitive, his children are doomed. From what we have been hearing of late, we can assume that a $500k annual salary is not competitive by the standards of the PAP, so it is safe to say that with a $500k salary, a minister would have to suffer a drastic change in the standard of living and sacrifice his children’s future. Given that the cost of living is not any higher for a minister than for anyone else in the country, it follows that anyone earning $500k or less per year does not earn enough to secure his children’s future. This is entirely plausible—people in Singapore have 500 children and a $500k annual salary leaves each member of the nuclear family with less than $1,000 per annum.

What tough lives Singaporeans earning uncompetitive salaries lead. This is the sort of first world that Kuan Yew has created for us. Is this what we call a confession?

What the potential plight of ministers tells us about Singaporeans aside, we must maintain Singapore as it is (i.e. as described above) by continuing to take a “pragmatic course that does not require people of calibre to give up too much for the public good.” Certainly, other people can be expected to give up more, perhaps even their lives as in the case of some unfortunate NSmen, because they are not people of calibre. If we do not maintain Singapore as it is, we will become part of the Third World again. And this means that Singaporeans could be flocking to a country that is a virtual clone of Singapore to be embraced as foreign talents there. This is a frightening situation that we do not want to find ourselves in, so let us continue to allow PAP ministers to draw million-dollar salaries while the rest of us sacrifice our children’s future. Sorry kids, Singapore is more important. Our ministers will continue to work for the greater good in the form of stagnant costs of living and ever-escalating salaries.

Please accept my further apologies if any words have been misplaced. Kuan Yew’s words of wisdom are so intoxicating that I am losing the last remnants of lucidity.

If Singaporeans are still unhappy about how some people can pay themselves competitive salaries and be self-righteous about it, they must be reminded that PAP ministers “put their careers at risk and undergo an uncertain and unpredictable election process.” We know how uncertain walkovers are. One day you are preparing for an intense election campaign, the next day you realize that you have no political competition. One day you are happily eating XO carrot cake, the next day you have to ask your lawyer to sue someone for defamation. We cannot underestimate the adverse ill-effects of such unpredictability.

Perhaps Singapore should pay opposition politicians millions of dollars too. They put themselves at risk and often undergo predictable elections and uncertain law suits.

Fine, if you are still unwilling to pay ministers competitive salaries, then you should stop making elections uncertain. If an overwhelming majority of Singaporeans support opposition parties, the next election will no longer be uncertain and you can avoid paying competitive salaries if you are that miserly. See, Kuan Yew is so damned honest he has provided you with a solution to all this nonsense about ministerial salaries. And he’s only drawing an MP allowance and a pension now.

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14 Responses

  1. Great writing!

  2. Hi Molly,

    You have done it again. Showing how assymetrical their logic and arguments can be. Sadly, we have an audience base that still buy into this.

  3. Some fart just never die.

    It is so predictable and scriptable of PAP’s modus operadi.

    When PAP decide on their decision to exploit the nation, it always go like this :

    1) Make the final decision, gather the MPs and MIW to have the party whip and hip-hop dance in closed meeting. Assign 99% of PAP MPs to bring support for nonsenical argument in parliament, and assign few GRC losers as hero/heroine to counter their argument as wayang as anyway the decision will go through. Better to make some hero out of losers so that they can be fielded in next election as last resort if no talent is found.

    2) Optional : Create a wayang committee stuff with Pro-pap people to work secretly with PM, and not with other party.No public scrutiny. Change and rephrase clauses to confuse the nation. If you can’t convince them, you confuse them.

    3) Postpone the day of the wayang debate in parliament as far as possible to enjoy the perks , entitlement and whatever benefit.

    4) Wayang day come, and PAP MPs start debating in parliament with passion full of nonsense and self-interest. Use state media such as ShittyMedia and ShittyTimes to give more airtime to the PAP clowns. Use selective Singapore public scapegoat and blur-cock with interview to show support for PAP’s decision. Interview full of IF.
    ShittyReporter ask public: “Do you think that the PAP can implement the policy ?”
    Public response always like this: “If they benefit the public , why not ? ”
    MIW: “Of course, it benefits the public ! If it benefits PAP, it benefit the public LOL !!! So the Singaporeans are supportive of PAP afterall !!!” or “What not supportive ? Get the right target to interview lah !”

    5) Pinky finally deliver the judgement summary and bring forth his same stale, 5 decades old grandmother’s excuse of why the policies are good for the nation. Give the same empty promise again and again, election over election, time after time, shit after shit , fart after fart.

    6) Finally the same smelly fart by the oldest and smelliest fart in the world conclude everything with Fear monger tactic again. It always go like this “If you don’t do what PAP says, you will be in deep great shit !” Little did this old fart know that we are already in unimaginable shit created by him and his PAP.

    7) After parliament, life is business as usual for PAP. Some PAP clowns will keep repeating in state media that PAP is “full of love and compassion for the nation”

    8) More shit coming to the nation.

  4. Holly Molly! There’s nothing meek in your script!

  5. Now that Kuan Yew has returned, can you get See Nao back too? Or have you not been paying him enough?

  6. I suppose Chen Shui Bian should have consulted LKY about how to be paid millions leegally in the name of public service without having to resort to corruption.

    In both cases, the means still justify the ends, except that the cunning one need not go to jail.

    • It’s all the Taiwanese people’s fault. They were stingy, so their government didn’t have corruption-free top talents.

  7. If we are truly part of the 1st world, as claimed by Farty each time he opens his mouth, why are we even debating about ministers’ salaries? A 1st world country presupposes that each and every one will have enough to eat, clothes to wear and living a relatively comfortable life without the need to quibble over such mundane things as our salaries.

    And these people are ministers for crying out loud, people who are at the top or near the top of society, people whose well-being should have long ago been settled and taken for granted, people who no longer need to count their dollars and cents.

    And where does this leave the rest of us, those who were so contemptuously dismissed as lesser mortals?

    Seriously, are we in or out of the 1st world?

  8. Hi Molly,

    Thanks for your writing, it’s very enlightening and entertaining. Like many others (i hope there are many others), I used to look forward to the day when I could celebrate his demise.

    But with the recent turn of events, I look forward to him having a long life, long enough to see the fall of what he has created 🙂 So shall we all hope that he lives long enough (maybe in a hospital bed, still lucid and clear but unable to speak or move) to see this glorious day, I imagine that would be the best fate for this monster who has created untold hardship for most Singaporeans ..

    Hope I didn’t sound too mean 🙂

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