Molly’s Pocket Political Dictionary (Work in Progress)

We were reminded that Singapore is the most unique place on earth when it was explained to us why Singapore’s ministers need to have the world’s most unique pay structure. It is necessary, then, to have a unique dictionary. Contributions are welcomed.

Assimilation: the process of making someone (esp a new immigrant) likable to the PAP

Change: an empty promise made as a means to maintain the status quo

Citizen: 1. derogatory. a person who is legally bound to state exploitation

2.  cheap local labor

Constitution: a document that is amended regularly to protect the dominant party’s hegemony

Cost of living: a trigger of clinical depression for those who live below minimum wage (see minimum wage)

Debate: 1. a journey towards a predetermined conclusion sponsored by taxpayers’ money; a farce

2. the act of causing one’s opponents intense frustration with self-righteously delivered rhetorical fallacies

Democracy: a synonym for authoritarianism except when it is paired with the adjective, “Western”

Election: the process whereby the PAP claims to have a mandate; an unnecessary part of the democratic process that exists as an unfashionable alternative to walkovers

Free speech: a prerogative of the PAP

GDP: Growth Determines Pay. The principle of pegging political leaders’ salaries to economic growth even if it benefits only a small minority

Gerrymandering: a legitimate political process whereby political constituencies are reshaped or obliterated.

LKY: 1. a mythical founding father

2. a floundering father

Meritocracy: a common justification for discriminating against those who are socially immobile

Minimum wage: A wage estimated to be around $1, 000, 000 per year as of 2012; the wage below which the future of one’s children are sacrificed.

Note: only ministers are eligible for minimum wage.

News: propaganda

PAP: 1. a) Pinky and Papa, b) Party of Authoritarian Pricks, c) Power Always Perpetuated, d) People After Pay, e) Public Anal Probe, f) Pompous Asses Pwned

2. A joke which everyone finds funny but hates

Parliament: 1. a place that should be as homogeneous as possible

2. a place where political stampedes for the purpose of crushing opposition politicians take place

Peach Garden: ivory tower

Reasoning: the process of parroting nonsense generated by the PAP

Retirement age: the age at which one dies

Singapore: the work of art plagiarized by George Orwell when he wrote Animal Farm

Swiss standard of living: literary. a broken dream

Talent: 1. a rare, highly paid person

2. a foreigner

Usage: the commonly used term “foreign talent” is tautological.

Unlawful assembly: any one person (or more) who has the intent to do something the PAP does not like

Vampire: archaic. a minister

Vote: a currency periodically squandered by the majority

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27 Responses

  1. What abt the most important unique political feature – only we have – in the world GRCs? GRCs – Political fortress for the sole purpose of rear entry MPs or “Dog Style” MPs! Lol !

  2. Opposition: someone who needs fixing

    Hard Truth: What I misleadingly want you to believe. Some accuracies omitted deliberately.

    Red Dot: Unique and good
    Black Dot: Unique and bad

    Parliament House: A place where highly paid apprentices practice speech reading.

    Ponding: Grammatically incorrect but dramatically sounds better than flooding. It means the same thing.

    Resignation: I am moving on to another job or the other jobs

    Mee siam: same as laksa but without cockles.

    Pension: same as bonus, taken while I am still working
    Bonus: Tips for doing a good job while I think I am working

    Technical recession: same as real recession, 2 quarters of negative growth.

    apology: sorry for what I have done, please forget it as I will do it again( and again)

  3. Independent committee: A committee not biased by opposition ideas.

  4. Maid: (n) what your mothers, sisters, daughters, and general womenfolk will be if you fail to participate in perpetuating the PAP.

    PA: People’s Association in full. The executive arm of the PAP. Not to be confused with the Civil Service.

    General Elections: (n) A random public holiday devoted entirely to the ruling party.

    Zorro: 1. A legendary superhero who often succored the poor to help the rich i.e your typical socially oriented superhero.
    2. A mysterious figure among the ranks if the elites who often help scupper the poor for the rich.

  5. Welfare: a vulgar word

    Sacrifice: An altruistic act which is heavily compensated

  6. 50-year floods: floods that occurs two or three times a year

    Flooding: no such entry – see “Ponding”

    Golden Era: 5 recessions in 10 years

    GST increase – a non-regressive tax designed to benefit the lower-income group.

    Insignificance of pay: 1) the peculiar situation where one has concern about a drastic change in the standard of living.
    2) If the balance is tilted further in the future, it will make it harder for any one considering political office.”

    MIW: Career politicians Motivated by Increasing Wages (female versions are known as WIW)

    Oxymoron:
    1) a word whose meaning is hard to grasp once you become MIW or WIW – see MIW and WIW.
    2) The astounding change in a politician (usually MIW) when common sense and empathy seem to evaporize and the word is more appropriate without the prefix.

    Ponding: 1) too bad your basement is lower than the top of Stamford Canal. No matter how powerful your pumps are, any water pumped out out from the basement is going to flow back since the canal is full.
    2) A sneaky way to weasel your way out of potential liabilities.

    Progressive tax regime: reducing the top tax brackets for millionaires while at the same time introducing GST and increasing GST to fleece the lower-income group.

    Sacrifice: being paid the highest salaries in the entire universe compared to your counterparts in the far-flung recesses of the galaxy.

    Taxi fare increases: a commuter-friendly measure implemented to cut short the waiting time.

    Train over-crowding: no such phenomenon – commuters are just too spoilt by not wanting to the packed like sardine

    White Horse:- label applied to elites’ sons just so that they won’t get special treatment when doing national service

  7. Aspiration: the Singapore Pledge
    Group Think: PAP
    MIW: arrogant, complacent, self-serving, out of touch

  8. Sorry I have to add some more, its getting fun

    Quality: XO sauce chye tow kuey

    Freedom of Speech: As long as you don’t say anything against PAP, you are free to say what you like.

    Equality: 1. The rich = Richer; The Poor= poorer
    2. some are more equal than others

    Justice: PAP is the judge, juror and the executioner.

    Prosperity: The increase in the number of millionaires

    Peace: No protest, demonstration, industrial action, strike that disrupts everyday life. Breakdown in services not included.

    Protest: word not found

    Progress: Ahead of third world countries, or our neighbor.

  9. Citizen: 3. a daft person who pays and pays

    CPF: Compulsorily-Preserved Fund, a involuntary for-your-own-good Government-run deposit scheme that safe-keeps your monies just when you need it for your involuntary retirement; withdrawal gates regularly narrowed

    Flood: 1-in-50-year-magnitude occurrence of ponding; also called The Flood or Once-in-a-Lifetime Flood

    Inflation: not applicable, if/since you don’t need to buy now

    Integrated Resort: (Singlish legalese) a photoshopped casino

    Ivory Tower: high places where many politicians and policy-makers live

    Ministerial pay: 1. a priori minimum wage for entry-level minister 2. peanuts

    Overcrowding: no such term, because you can always take the next train or bus

    Policy-making: reading tea leaves

    Ponding: any flood other than The Flood (see definition of Flood);

    Singapore: 3. a city and not a nation

    Standard of living: average floor area of accommodation per household occupant inclusive of area taken up by internal and external corridors, lift lobby, walls, ledge, bomb shelter, and other fixed non-amenities

    Talent: 3. a minister

    White Horse: a mythical 3-legged creature, with various incarnations; sightings reported

    Woodyspeak: noisome vuvuzela-like flatulence as applied to oneself; often observed in certain local species found in ivory towers

  10. GRC: Gerrymendered Rear-entry Coat-tail – a uniquely Singapore invention of ensuring entry into Parliament by the backdoor through riding on the coat-tail of senior (note lower-case s) ministers.

  11. PAP

    Proud Arrogant People.
    Party Against People
    Pro Alien Party

  12. Brigadier General:
    1. Someone who misses his mummy.

    Example:
    “I’m pained by the knowledge that I’ll miss the many moments when my children are growing up and time with my family. My parents are not getting any younger. Those moments missed do not return. Ever… In time I will look back and there will be gaps. But that’s life. I’m not sure how one considers it a privilege to miss these precious moments. It trivialises all of us who do cherish these.”
    BG (NS) Tan Chuan-Jin

  13. Up the Lorry

    1. A much anticipated event
    2. A very long wait
    3. Something that’s long overdue

  14. Deaf Frog

    1. Generally refers to politicians dressed in white
    2. A white uniformed politician who is oblivious to good advice
    3. An essential trait that separates elites from the ordinary folks
    4. Qualifying criteria that marks a person for high office in Singapore

  15. Debt: money borrowed; it is not a debt if citizens’ savings is used to purchase special govt bonds.

    Cheaper, better, faster: is a term describing a competitive economy, only about the product and services; not meant as derogatory to the people producing the product and services. How this can happen has yet to be explained by LSS.

  16. You forgot to add:

    Minister (Noun) – A commonly misunderstood figure of speech.

  17. 1/25/2012 09:29:00 PM TEMASEK REVEALED NO COMMENTS
    By Mollymeek with additions from Temasek Revealed
    We were reminded that Singapore is the most unique place on earth when it was explained to us why Singapore’s ministers need to have the world’s most unique pay structure. It is necessary, then, to have a unique dictionary. Contributions are welcomed.
    Affordable: any purchase that require servicing period below 30 years

    Aljunied: to be defeated unexpectedly by an underdog
    e.g. Liverpool was Aljunied 1-3 by relegation-dangered Bolton.

    Assimilation: the process of making someone (esp a new immigrant) likable to the PAP
    Change: an empty promise made as a means to maintain the status quo

    Chen Show Mao: a quiet and humble talent; creme de la creme. antonym: Lim Swee Say
    e.g. The monument was designed by the Chen Show Maos in the architectural industry.

    Char Tow Kuay: 1. a local delicacy for citizens(see Citizens) at $1.50 in coffeeshops or at $10(served with XO sauce) for PAP members in Peach Garden(see Peach Garden).
    2. a PAP justification that price comes with nothing but quality according to Minister Chan Chun Sing, also means anything that is cheap is definitely inferior
    Citizen: 1. derogatory. a person who is legally bound to state exploitation
    2. cheap local labor
    Clean wage: being the most well-paid in the world

    Constitution: a document that is amended regularly to protect the dominant party’s hegemony
    Cost of living: a trigger of clinical depression for those who live below minimum wage (see minimum wage)
    CPF: 1. a) Central Ponzi Fund b) Cheat People Fund c) Cheap PAP Fund
    2. a compulsory national saving scheme to provide cheap funding for Temasek Holdings(See Temasek Holdings)

    Curry Chicken: a local delicacy banned from cooking indoor especially when your neighbor is PRC

    Debate: 1. a journey towards a predetermined conclusion sponsored by taxpayers’ money; a farce
    2. the act of causing one’s opponents intense frustration with self-righteously delivered rhetorical fallacies
    Democracy: a synonym for authoritarianism except when it is paired with the adjective, “Western”
    Election: the process whereby the PAP claims to have a mandate; an unnecessary part of the democratic process that exists as an unfashionable alternative to walkovers
    Flooding: A once-in-50 years water logging phenomenon

    Foo Mee Har: The seductive name of a PAP MP which gives men horny thoughts.

    Free speech: a prerogative of the PAP
    GDP: Growth Determines Pay. The principle of pegging political leaders’ salaries to economic growth even if it benefits only a small minority
    Gerrymandering: a legitimate political process whereby political constituencies are reshaped or obliterated.
    Independent Committee: a team of people appointed by the PAP to check on the PAP’s screw-ups

    Lim Swee Say: an overpaid yet incompetent person antonym: Chen Show Mao
    e.g. SMRT CEO Saw Phaik Hwa shamelessly refused to resign, what a Lim Swee Say.

    LKY: 1. a mythical founding father
    2. a floundering father
    Mee Siam Mai Hum: Favorite delicacy of Singapore Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong

    Meritocracy: a common justification for discriminating against those who are socially immobile
    Minimum wage: A wage estimated to be around $1, 000, 000 per year as of 2012; the wage below which the future of one’s children are sacrificed.
    Note: only ministers are eligible for minimum wage.
    News: propaganda
    NS: National Slavery. The policy in place to recruit free labor and prevent Singaporean males from leaving the country, dissent against the government or find jobs.

    PAP: 1. a) Pinky and Papa, b) Party of Authoritarian Pricks, c) Power Always Perpetuated, d) People After Pay, e) Public Anal Probe, f) Pompous Asses Pwned
    2. A joke which everyone finds funny but hates
    Parliament: 1. a place that should be as homogeneous as possible
    2. a place where political stampedes for the purpose of crushing opposition politicians take place
    Peach Garden: ivory tower
    Ponding: A weekly water logging phenomenon(See Flooding)

    Price Revision: inflation

    Reasoning: the process of parroting nonsense generated by the PAP
    Retirement age: the age at which one dies
    Singapore: the work of art plagiarized by George Orwell when he wrote Animal Farm
    Sorry: a powerful word to save the ruling party from losing in elections

    Swiss standard of living: literary. a broken dream
    Talent: 1. a rare, highly paid person
    2. a foreigner
    Usage: the commonly used term “foreign talent” is tautological.
    Temasek Holdings: The private mega corporation which owns nearly every monopoly in Singapore but uses public funds to invest in failed overseas banks.

    Unlawful assembly: any one person (or more) who has the intent to do something the PAP does not like
    Welfare: vulgarity; a dirty word

    Vampire: archaic. a minister
    Vote: a currency periodically squandered by the majority

  18. Chen Show Mao: PAP’s worst nightmare came true.

    Nicole Seah: A heroin who is Tin Pei Ling’s nemesis

    National Service: A 2-year slave camp reserved for male S’poreans; new ctizens (including those who are PAP MPs) and PRs are exempted.

    Honest Mistake: A lame excuse used by any ruling party member to pardon himself/herself when they blunder.

    Bukit Brown: A road.

    S’pore PR: A piece of paper issued to any foreigner who can spell the word “Singapore”.

    GST: A new taxation system implemented so that the super-rich pay less income taxes.

    Mrs Goh: Peanuts.

    FamiLEE: A modern day dynasty.

    Chip Goodyear: A seat warmer.

    SPH: The public relations arm of PAP.

  19. Sorry, I meant “heroine”, not “heroin”

  20. Chanel – wanted to point that out before you self corrected. There is a big difference between silicon and silicone as well.

    Just to add:

    No delay: disclosure more than one and half month after the start of investigation

  21. Corruption: That which can be kept at bay by throwing money at it. (Let’s not complicate the definition with exceptions like Gay and Pete).

  22. Performance : 5 year probation periods, unheard of in private sector but used by policy makers to time in with election periods.

  23. Growth Dividend: cash given out to citizens, uncannily timed every 5 year just before general elections.

    General Election: the election of generals (brigadiers and major generals), and also vice admirals.

    Vice Admiral: the vice of the Vice Admiral is the rear of the Rear Admirals, and vice versa.

  24. Looks like they are leaving no stone unturned — even for those at the most unlikely places! I suspect the creature they are looking for have gone extinct!

  25. Two : A number used by previous policy makers to stop, or strongly discourage the local population from multiplying further decades ago. The same number used to jusitify immigration these days, also by policy makers when citizens’ fertility rate fall short.

  26. My contribution to your dictionary, if you please:
    A Good PAP politician : A Dead PAP politician
    PAP politician: A soiled diaper that stinks and badly needs to be changed
    LKY: A lonely Narcissist

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