Brave Old World: The Return of the Normal in Singapore Politics

The majority of Singaporeans should be glad. Things are back to normal in Singapore. Was it not frightening when, a couple of months back, bizarre events started taking place? There was an outbreak of irrationality when people started talking about voting against the PAP and, for a couple of weeks, it seemed as though the PAP felt the same fear that it inspires in the people with its power. In a classic attempt at charisma-building, the Prime Minister even apologized to Singaporeans, though not for anything in particular. PAP MPs started appearing in overcrowded trains and bus stops as though the idea had never previously occurred in the mind of these top local talents. It must have been a worrying time for all level-headed Singaporeans to see the establishment trying to be nice even to the poor cats it has been inexplicably murdering over the years despite protests from cat lovers. It was as though snakes were growing ears in front of our very eyes while we stand wary of their venom.

But things finally feel normal again and at least 60% of the dense population—densely populated nation, I mean—can heave a collective sigh of relief. It is good to see the PAP getting back to the driver’s seat of its good old bulldozer. Kuan Yew is finally speaking freely again and the mainstream media no longer has to resist their constant itch to portray him as a political superhero-prophet. As a nation that has always staunchly believed in free expression and free press, this is wonderful news.

Singaporeans need to be reminded of the paramount importance of bringing in foreigners to Singapore by a parasitic, apparently semi-retired politician. We see again that there is a space for such reminders.  Once again, Singaporeans are proven without a doubt to be the worst xenophobes in the planet; they are conspiratorially advocating a destructive zero-foreigner policy in the name of protecting Singaporeans’ rights even though foreigners have brought immense wealth to Singapore. These Singaporeans are simply jealous bigots who turn into green limes the moment they see that they have no share of the wealth Singapore has been reaping over the years. It is thus always a good thing to have someone reprimanding these shameless and myopic plebeians for failing to remember that even the oxygen they breathe is a product of Kuan Yew’s laborious photosynthesis over the last five decades.

The public transport operators are applying for fare hikes again and members of the establishment are taking turns to tell us that the status quo that they have created must be perpetuated because it is the best. There are few better indications than this that we are back to the good old days before General Election 2011. One after another, they are enlightening us on the evils of the Workers’ Party suggestion to nationalize public transport. How could the efficiency of cash grabbing in a competition-free industry be undermined by nationalization that will cause the profit motive to buckle under to the weight of political accountability. We see, in fact, that the normal state of affairs in Singapore has improved itself. In the past, it was: the Government knows best, Period. Now it is: the Government knows best, and will tell you in 1001 times in 101 ways why it knows best, Period. And in parenthesis: Don’t say the Government is not engaging the people. This fits in very well with the national upgrading fever—we always get something new without getting rid of the old at the core.

Now that things are back to normal, Singaporeans can be reminded not to politicize the political because politics must not be political in Singapore. It must always remain a dictatorial miracle. It is not clear who planted the ingenious idea in our heads Inception-style, but we suddenly realize that our President is supposed to be a figure that unifies Singaporeans. His role is clear, but Singaporeans are confused as usual. Thankfully, the state machinery is always there to help us out. Many Singaporeans make the mistake of categorically saying that the Elected President must support or must check the political party in power. This is not true. The Elected President unifies Singaporeans by not going against the party in power when it is the PAP. But he unifies Singaporeans by checking the political party in power when it is not the PAP. We have to remind ourselves that according to the renowned Singapore English Dictionary, disunity is defined as anything that goes against the PAP and its perpetual dominance. Unity, on the other hand, is defined as a semblance of zero difference brought about by craftily cultured mass deception. Certainly, a President whose independence from the PAP is met with scepticism can unify the people.

So we know we must vote for the PAP-endorsed candidate who will unify Singaporeans by sitting on every Singaporean face as we line his rear trouser pockets with four million dollars of cash every year if we do not want to end up with a constitution-violating criminal instead. Never mind that Singaporeans can be quite united in the drive to have a force that would check the PAP, however ineffectively. The Elected Presidency is a creation of the PAP government to protect Singapore by protecting the reserves from the PAP’s opponents in the event of a freak General Election result. When a non-PAP government is crippled from implementing policy changes that distinguishes it from the PAP’s anti-welfarism, the chances of it losing power is greatly enhanced. The PAP government did not create the position of the Elected President to counter itself. It would be unreasonable to expect the PAP to do so. If the PAP’s opponents want a political position whose holder’s role is to check the PAP, they should jolly well create the position themselves. Their failure to do so shows how incompetent they are.

Everything is back to normal again and we should be glad. Let us stand as united as ever and remain patient while the PAP tries hard to solve the problems it has created if it ever does. We know nothing is perfect and thus we should never ask for anything better.